One of my new years resolutions (along with socialising less) is to learn more. One area I’m not too proud to say I have no knowledge of is the world of tattoos.Formerly used only by prisoners and bikers the noble tattoo has seen a surge in popularity in recent years. I don’t have any tattoos because I am agoraphobic, claustrophobic, scared of needles and scared of people. I know of them though, for those who don’t wikipedia describes the tattoo as “a form of body modification, made by inserting ink, either indelible or temporary, [1] into the dermis layer of the skin to change the pigment.” Now that it’s fairly clear what a tattoo IS in a bid to learn about SPECIFIC tattoos, I’ve chosen to study the pinnacle of male sexuality – the male catalogue model*. I’ve found 7 cases to examine and to preserve their anonymity I’ve put black circles over their faces*** and given them pseudonyms**** – with the help of Wikipedia I hope to learn more about the ancient ritual of tattooing.
Anthony
A – the first tattoo of Anthony’s I wish to look at appears to be a horned skull. This presumably represents the devil who is evil. Of more interest though is that it seems to have been placed over a basic version of the ordnance survey map*****. I’ve googled that and there’s not much evidence of this being a common tattoo. Doubtlessly something to do with a location.
B – this is a heart with the words ‘desperate and true, thinking of you’ (my comma). It turns out these are lyrics from a song called ‘Love American’ by a band called Give Up the Ghost. They sound a bit like Bring Me the Horizon before they calmed down.The song also contains the lyrics “and in a world full of sluts we kept the wet dream alive.”
C – I thought this was a picture of a Kookaburra on the continued ordnance survey map. I don’t think it is though. I just googled it and it’s not a Kookaburra. I did find a picture of one eating a mouse whole. I don’t know what it is now. The bottom bit has scales. Some animal. Probably.
D – the swallow tattoo is a complex one. Wikipedia is torn; swallows on hands either mean the tattooee has done his ‘bird’ in prison and got the tattoo to celebrate this fact OR the tattooee is a successful sailor who has been tattooed with a swallow to celebrate sailing 5,000 nautical miles (roughly 9,260 km). Anthony has two such tattoos so has either been in and out of prison (twice) or sailed 10,000 nautical miles without incident (NB the bottom of image B seems to show a pirate ship).
Colin
A – Colin’s single (visible) tattoo says either Ray Roy or Roy Ray. Ray Roy was a nickname for a character on King of the Hill voiced by Diedrich Bader. He appears in one episode. Roy Ray was a member of the Ohio Senate for 14 years. I don’t know which one Colin means so can’t comment.
Graham
A – on Graham’s neck he has a lot going on. Most obvious is the number 13 (traditionally unlucky but presumably not for Graham) and the outline of some lips. I thought these were maybe based on someone specific’s lips but they’re actually quite small in comparison with his neck. A failed romance with someone with a small mouth.
B – I thought this might be tagliatelle but I’m not so sure now. Perhaps Graham didn’t have enough ideas to fill up his whole arm but wanted it filled anyway so got the artist to scribble (and a star).
C – this could potentially be Captain America’s gauntlet but from no version of his costume I’ve ever seen. I once spent a physics lesson absent-mindedly colouring in my hand to look like Spider-man until my red biro ran out.
D – again Graham has the number 13 tattooed on his right forearm. I’m assuming he has survived some adverse luck or has maybe been unlucky in his life (he did have quite sad eyes).
Cliff
A – Cliff has a red flower on his neck. I think it’s a lotus. Which represents purity. It’s ironic to have found this on such a messy neck.
B – Cliff’s right hand has a picture of Oscar Wilde. Fair enough. Not much you can say about that.I once read an ebook of the Importance of Being Earnest on a train and I laughed aloud twice (in the quiet carriage). However, if you look closely just above the thumb knuckle is a small motif of an anchor. Either, like Anthony, Cliff had a career in sea-faring prior to modelling OR he is perpetuating the myth that sailors are more often than not homosexual******, which I find disgusting.
C – I don’t know who this is and I don’t want to guess. I thought it might be old Spock from Star Trek (2009) but I’ve just looked and he didn’t have a beard. There is what appears to be an apple on Cliff’s thumb so it could be Alan Turing in another cruel mocking of homosexuality but again, it looks nothing like him.
Alf
A – on Alf’s right arm is the word ‘blesse’ in cursive. I’ve discovered blesse means injured in French (from the old French blecier). Presumably Alf has injured or hurt his arm at some point and has either recovered fully (and has commemorated that in ink) or is warning other people that his arm is hurt. It could also be the word ‘blessed’ – partially obscured by the curvature of his arm (this could also be a reference to an arm healing).
B – opposite blesse/blessed is a picture of a clock in several pieces. This is to represent the unrelenting passage of time; perhaps how long it takes an arm to heal. Or it might be Big Ben, a symbol of the colloquialism ‘big time’ meaning a big deal or to be taken seriously. There is also a diamond underneath and according to tattooswithmeaning.com : “[d]iamonds have come to mean many things throughout history, from luxury, to love, to controversy over human rights. However, a diamond is a popular choice for a tattoo because of its wealth of symbolic associations, and can be included in designs ranging from simple black lines to colorful complex patterns.”******* I think that clears it up.
C – a triangle in some foliage is some representation of a holy trinity (which one I cannot say). A rose (tattoo) represents love and/or the 32 year conflict the War of the Roses.
Juan
A – behind his ear Juan has not one but THREE triangles. This could be the Old Norse valknut used to represent a slain warrior. Now, Juan is patently not slain and potentially not even a warrior (I know for a fact he is currently a male model). This must mean something else; the Legend of Zelda, some form of origami or Pythagoras.
B – this is a heart with a picture of a field with two scarecrows in it. This could have many meanings. It could be a nod to the Wizard of Oz, the 1988 film ‘Scarecrows’ (featuring what I’m guessing is a moustacheless Ted Vernon) or a fond rural upbringing.
C – a lovely picture of a lion on the back of Juan’s right hand. The lion represents power and aggression. Although this one looks quite placid.********
D – a tiger obscured by an elbow. I’ve begun to notice a theme across Juan’s tattoos. As tigers and lions represent essentially the same ideas there must be more meaning than simply recreating the same ideas (that would be odd (unless they’re specific animals he knew (and while it’s been established that Juan’s upbringing may have been rural I don’t think lions and tigers should or are kept on farms))). I’ve therefore come to the conclusion that Juan is actually using his arms to represent Africa (lion) and Asia (tiger). Although I have to concede then that Juan did grow up on an exotic farm. I don’t know if they use scarecrows in Africa. Neither does Google. This was a hard one.
E – a rose taking up almost the whole of Juan’s wrist. The War of the Roses did not take place in Asia but roses do grow there. Juan is a complicated man.
Piers
A – Piers has only a single (visible) tattoo. The solitary tattoo is, at first glance, the Venus De Milo – the mysteriously armless Ancient Greek representation of Aphrodite (Venus according to the Romans). As confusing as this would IN AND OF ITSELF, it’s actually not the Venus De Milo because she is famously nude and turning slightly. Because it looks like an Ancient Greek God and I’m tired I’ve narrowed it down to Artemis (God of hunting and virginity) and Apollo (God light, healing and poetry). None of these ideas seem important enough to be codified on your arm (especially virginity, I’ve never met a virgin with a tattoo) so I’m at a loss here. It could also just be a picture of the bust of a loved one on a plinth. Which would be odd.
Conclusion
I feel like I’ve taken a lot away from that. I’ve learnt a great deal about various tattoos and what they mean. However, I don’t think I’ve covered even half of all the various tattoos out there. I will have to come back to this at some point, as soon as Asos have got some new models.
*The pictures are also on the internet and used to sell things so free from copyright**
**I’m 95% sure
***If anyone knows how to blur faces on Illustrator or Photoshop please get in touch
****In case I was wrong about the copyright stuff
*****A quick google of the ordnance survey map and one of the first results is for Buttermere Fell and Anthony’s arm looks remarkable similar to that.
******Allegedly in Portsmouth male university students are violently targeted on Friday and Saturday nights by sailors on shore leave, ironically enough to leave the sailors a clear run at women. I thought this an urban myth until I went on a night out in Portsmouth and two of my friends did get in a fight. But I don’t know if the men were sailors. And my friends started it.
*******More fascinating reading available here: http://www.tattooswithmeaning.com/diamond-tattoo-meaning/
********Incidentally lions don’t roar like you think they do. See here.
redbullwithoutacause 
